R@D|C@L Mi5FiT

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Insomniac

2005-11-28T07:08:00.000+08:00

As i lay in bed right now...with the tv on and the fucking fan blowing directly at my face with the intention of getting my eyes dried and tired. My eyes are pretty sore now but i'm still not sleepy. I just read the freaking newspaper...TWICE...GOD have mercy on this tired mind... i'm working tomorrow... i mean later... need ...some...rest....

Any-wey-heys, i've decided to go full time as a bartender... i really can't survive like this anymore... like "THIS" as in always short of cash...always living on a tight budget... i guess lotsa people live this way but i can't stand it... so...though the full time job won't be making me a millionaire in this life...or the next...or the on after that... or the one...you get the point la... its still something... In the words of the "WEE-MAN" from jackass after the SPERMathon at the sperm bank..." It's not much..but it's something."

Can't believe after blabbering so much i haven't actually talked bout my upcoming birthday... it's the 21st baby...finally... but now i have a serious problem... to whomever is reading this BEFORE you come to my celebration... I have to go back on my words about the free flow thingy... change of plans...or rather a change of prices has cause a major upset in the budget for the celebration . Hence the free beer thing that i had planned has been called off . i apologise for any inconvenience caused ... but hey... it doesn't mean i won't be buying drinks for you guys with whatever is left in my pathetic bank account... but then again if you're just there for the drinks... i rather you just not come at all... but i know you're not that kind of person la...see you on the 30th november... call me for the address...

SINGAPORE IDOL is coming.... must join ... guess this is the only way i can pursue a career in music... This could be my one and only chance... been working out on the karaoke machine at the pub to practice... and i have come up with a quite effective regime... alcohol ... beer to be exact... i realised that my vocal chords are more relaxed after a couple of pints... maybe i should ta pow a few bottles of beer to the auditions... but what if i burp halfway through the audition..hahaha ... that reminds me...i still have a big pottle of beer in the fridge... woo hoo.... time is 0734hrs ... hmmm...should i???

Back... ain't nothing like a nice cold beer early in the morning... hahahaha...BuRp*... I got nothing to write already...so now i'm gonna sign out and enjoy my cold beer...CHEERS

doodle doodle

2005-08-16T05:15:00.000+08:00

its been a damn long time since i've blogged...and i guess its time...i work fucking two jobs now...ok..hahhaa..i'm making it sound bad la,,, i work at amoy street on weekdays and at taboo on weekends now...nightlife can really get to a person..i think i'm falling sick... but maybe its just from getting drunk a little too often....

i read an article bout blogging and shit concerning it... something bout its ridiculous to write bout your life for the whole world to see... come on man... doesn't everyone wish to be a superstar in the news...having gossip written bout them...the only difference is that i'm the papparazzi,the editor and of course ...the star... yeah... its self promotion...its fucking a form of publicity...OUCH!! just got a mosquito bite... anyway...this way .. everyone can get to know how sensitive i am...hahahha

i got a dream the other day that i was ..get this... spiderman...damn fun la .. love dreams like that..especially the ones that i know that i'm dreaming and i can fly... neato.... i had this dream that some guy strapped me to a harness attached to him and bungee jumpd off a building...thats not the scary part..the scary part was when i realisesd my eyebrows were out of shape from the wind pressure from the fall...geez...

just clocked four months on the BGR scale..and i'm loving every minute of it...damn... i would so do anything for this girl...i love her so so so much.... i always thought i had to be the one to like make a joke and play the fool ...but my baby never fails to keep me entertained with her antics..and the very cute way she always gets busted trying to play a prank on my...ok ok... not always...sometimes she gets me really good... and thats what i love bout my baby... i love you honey... shopping tomorrow before i head to work k ..missing you already... and i'm not just saying that...

milk has learnt a new trick...thanks to the very patient elder sister of mine... Milk now knows two tricks...sit and down.... good on ya mate

i think my tattooing has gone to a totally different level now...confidence wise...and shit like that.... shit...i'm getting sleepy...think i'll go hit the sack... fatique is setting in from work just now... OUT!

poof!!!

2005-07-18T08:44:00.000+08:00

i don't understand how people can type so much on their blogs...sheesh...are they that expressive or is my life that boring...anyway i have nothing much to type because nothing seems to be changing...the only thing thats gonna change is that i'm gonna get a job somewhere else... three jobs to juggle...anyway it's almost 9 in the morning on this monday...i haven't slept at all...my biological clock is pretty fucked...its my first day at work at the pub at telok ayer ...anyways ... the ministry of sound thingy was pretty disapointing on friday..but a different story on saturday... paul gilbert was outstanding but the music was abit the very loud la... he's good but you get sick of the guitar solos after awhile... after he walked off stage... the ringing and buzzing still lingers in my ears.... but the night ended well....pretty damn shagged when i got home... Joanna might be coming over soon...so i guess i don't really wanna sleep...i'll wate for her to come... i only got a while with my babez...got tattooing later... can't wait for her to come over... i really got nothing to type already...OUT!

2005-07-07T06:37:00.000+08:00

Mum got really pist after i got my new tattoo... it was almost a week till she began talking to me ... guess mums will never understand...sighz....I'm still the same old brand new me...

2005-07-07T05:37:00.000+08:00

Hahaahaha

WHAT THE FUCK..

2005-06-09T02:24:00.000+08:00

the title pretty much describes life these few weeks... shit... first i'll start with the summons i got...25 for parking outside a lot...three 8 dollar fines for parking without coupons... and just nice ..today my dad called and told me i got a 70 dollar fine for crossing the ERP gantry 20 minutes too early...argh...shit la... so much money down the drain... and i earn really too little ... too little to support myself... i'll just eat shit and die now... fucked up la... i'm gonna die now... i really have not enough to live anymore.... die die die... i need more cash ....please can someone give me more money please... i'm dying here.... ok...anyway ... everything is fine besides money problem... love is a wonderful thing... Joanna is the best thing thats ever happened to me... Milk is also getting cuter by the day...but the bloody idiot is very defient... keeps peeing everywhere....but he's still the cutest la... now ian francis low must go find another job...a second job...joanna keeps reminding me how tiring thats gonna be but anyhow...i need the money... money makes the world go round... and right now my world is like spinning below the legal speed limit... too fucking broke... i dunno how many times i got to stress that... ok... everything else aside... tattooing is not really bringing in the big bucks at the moment... so i think that tattooing will be pretty much of an interest ...a sideline thing rather than a full time job... gotta take a reality check... ironically ...i still wanna be a superstar singer or whatever.... i want fame... i know ..sounds lame...but come on... everyones got dreams right... how nice would that be... ok....nothing much left to type now...but anyway... i will be striving in the meantime for the at-least-5k-a-month dream... OUT!

To Celine... From Ian Francis Low

2005-05-14T06:36:00.000+08:00

It's not your fault...but i wouldn't say that i was in the wrong
but i was not the one leading you on
you were leading yourself on ...i think you know
and seriously... i was just going with the flow
we both knew one day what we had would all come to an end
though i still hope that we could try to be friends
say what you want... but i really love her...and she loves me too
i know you wished that the person that i love is you
but it's just how things are... we were never meant to be
i never had the same feelings that you had for me
i'm sorry you feel this way
but sorry is all i can say
there's nothing much i can really do
but sincerely... i have to thank you
thanks for caring and being there for me
i didn't always do the same for you and for that i'm sorry
there's the one out there for everyone... and i've found mine
and i'm sure you will find the one for you in time
whatever happened between us ..for me there is not a bit of regret
honestly you are a person that i will never forget
so take care and all the best in whatever you do
you probably would not believe me when i say this... but as a friend...i'll always be there for you...

You can tell everybody... This is your song... It maybe quite simple...

2005-05-14T06:33:00.000+08:00

I'll wait till the lights go out
till there's no one here
till we're all alone again

I'll say in a whispered tone
tell you that you're still the one
and hope that you will feel the same

The words just cannot describe
how i feel inside
you know mean alot to me

i can't , can't resist your charms
when i'm in your arms
there's no where else i'd rather be

if loving you is wrong then i don't want to be right
at least i can sleep tonight
knowing that you're mine
if my love for you is a song then the song will never end
it will never end

till the day we're old and grey
while we cuddle and watch our grand children play
i'll take your hand and kiss your cheek
and i watch you slowly go to sleep
and then i'll whisper to you the rhyme
you've heard a thousand times
but never once complained
so i'll say it to you again
every morning when i wake
i'm so glad that you are mine
i'll love you till the end of time-Ian Francis Low

To you... My One And Only

2005-05-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

The past three weeks has been a blast... i just wake up happier every morning,or afternoon for that matter... and it's all because of you... gosh...it's been like three weeks but i feel like i've known you for so long... somehow ... you've fallen into every single category of characteristics associated with my dream girl...in other words... YOU'RE THE ONE... when i'm with you i just wanna hug you and not let go...when i'm without you i'm missing you like hell... pinch me and bitch slap me cos this feels like a dream... to find someone i can just chill out and just bum around with for the whole day ,talk to on the phone for hours and love with every bit of my heart... just feels too good to be true...but thankfully it is true...you're mine and i'm yours' forever till the end of time... wise men say fools rush in... but i can't help falling in love with you....Elvis definately got that right... our relationship is moving really fast...but trust me ...if you think this is as good as it can get...you're dead wrong... this is just the beginning... and my love for you just keeps growing day by day... i just can't get enough of you... if i ever wake up in the morning and not feel anything for you..trust me...that'll be the day the sun don't shine , the ocean doesn't touch the sand and the world will be upside down... i will never let you go...for all the hurdles in life ...we'll jump over each and everyone together hand in hand... no matter what happens ... i'll always be there for you... picking you up when you're down ... being there for you where ever and whenever... simply because..I LOVE YOU

NOT my cup of tea

2005-04-25T14:05:00.000+08:00

Anyeway i didn't turn up for work today...i just went for an orientation on saturday but fell sick and was sent home...thank god...blessing in disguise... anyways... might be able to start work somewhere at duxton hill...at some gay pub... damn read celine's blog... she said some pretty mean stuff ...but i don't blame her... anyway i got nothing much to say bout this boring life of mine ...starting work soon..no more blogging i guess for some time ... anyways ...shout out...

vern- when are we going clubbing huh?was at chinablack last week on wednesday... was hoping to see you there but....sighz...

pau- i think my wife forgot me already too...

kim- get well soon

joanna- sweetie.. i love you so much...more each passing day... i just saw you yesterday but i'm missing you like hell already...

milk ( My Puppy )- STOP FUCKING MARKING YOUR TERRITORY AROUND THE HOUSE!!!

kevin- happy 20th birthday...

wei lin- happy 21st birthday .. sorry i couldn't make it to your birthday celebration..

fen- happy birthday...

aunt wendy- to the coolest mum ... happy birthday...muackss

OUT!

My pulse is racing....my heart is pacing..i stand and i sit

2005-04-11T09:38:00.000+08:00

It's just something about her that i can't get enough of... damn... she's fine... the bastard that came up with the phrase absense makes the heart fonder...was bloody right... i don't believe that i must wait till thursday to see her again... anyways i'm gonna work as a saleman...gonna sell really expensive massage chairs...anyone interested...probably the last job a heavily tattooed S.O.B like me should be doing but its something for the meantime to pay the bills... it's monday but i'm in the best of moods... i mean finally finding someone is definately quite ... erm... quite...fuck it i can't find a word to describe...it's just ...erm..erm.... fuck it i'm lost for words today... think only a super duper very very very powerful cleaning agent can wipe the smile off my face... it's been hours since i last saw her and i'm already missing her... damn ...i feel like a kid again... and life don't seem that bad anymore... sorry if i made you nauseus but who cares bout you... hahahaha... I'm in love

Words Of Wisdom

2005-03-17T15:19:00.000+08:00

The most unfair thing bout life is the way it ends.I mean , life is tough.It takes up alot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A DEATH! What's that, a bonus?!?I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it out of the way. Then you go live in a old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension then when you start work you get a old watch on your first day . You work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy retirement. You drink alcohol , you party and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school , you become a kid , you play , you have no responsibilities , you become a little baby , you go back , you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating , spa , room service on tap , then you finish off as an orgasm .

Finally..It's here

2005-03-15T16:18:00.000+08:00

The photos from my trip to Banda Aceh have finally been posted... i narrowed the thousands of snaps to a meer 123 ... boring background but i tried to make a little story out of it... sweet sweet memories... As for my life these few weeks... boring as usual.. nothing much... but dear old me hardly gets drunk ... just last weekend but that was once in a damn long time... ok...signing off... do check out the photos... later

Yeah...

2005-03-08T12:44:00.000+08:00

Finally pay day is around the corner... so is ORD.. hahahaha.. anyways... i just spent close to 10 bucks sending MMS to my e-mail... and that means that there are new additions to my really pathetic photo collection... FUCK YOU ALL!!!! mind my french...

My balls are jumping as i jump for joy

2005-02-28T08:49:00.000+08:00

It s a start of a new week and the end of the month.. inching ever so close to the day i get out of this hell hold they call the army.. Yippeee...

Poor lil' siser.. get well soon yeah..

oh anyway... decided what to get Hock for his birthday... top secret... Agent Sujata and Shikin will be my accomplice... ok ... nothing much to write for the moment... get well soon vern.. take care babe... will be seeing you later...

THE GOVERNMENT RAISED THE CIGARETTE PRICES AGAIN

2005-02-23T14:02:00.000+08:00

CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE
CHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYECHEEBYE

Let me sum this all up

2005-02-23T13:38:00.000+08:00

Extemely retarded... everythings moving so slow... i guess that's the case when you're approaching ORD...
Have so little to do and bored as usual... wonder what i'm gonna do after the army... anyways...
I'm intending to quit smoking... not doing a very good job..but fuck it... at least i'm trying... "A" for effort...
Went to do a little shopping in Malaysia ... ok la.. ate a little ...shopped a little... nothing really much to say bout that... oh yeah i got a new tattoo... the healing process has began... let's welcome the itching.. damn irritating... Oh yeah... Estelle and Jane flying to aussie on saturday... sighzzz... Gone too soon... gonna miss those two... Hurry back yeah...
Estelle-Everytime you look at a five dollar bill... think of me... testicle breath...hahahah
Jane- yesh yesh... i will cut down on the alcohol and cigarettes to save up to make the overseas call just to say "hi!!"

Alcohol is getting the better of me... damn it... this feeling inside tells me that i'm gonna die a lonely alcoholic... shit... this country is too fucking small.... i'm gonna explode.. the SAME pubs , SAME clubs , SAME faces.... AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

shit... Singapore is gonna turn in dust soon... close to 400 hundred bush fires... and the weather is fucking killer... 35.5 degrees outside... you know what this means... hot weather equals hot bikini babes ... ice blended long island tea.. Party!!! We should have a nude beach... and we should have cubicles just for fornication and masturbation... uniSEX toilets indeed....okok... as you can tell i'm fucking bored...

Congrats to the TOTO winners ... fucking lucky bastards... if i ever win the lottery ... i'd donate it all to a worthwhile cause... like the H.I.G.H Fund.... the HELP-IAN-GET-HIGH Fund...

ok... i must make a promise ....

PROMISE TO SELF-
Quit smoking by the end of this month... no wait..next month... erm..no.. two months time... i'll just try la...

NONSENSE

2005-02-07T01:43:00.000+08:00

I, Ian Francis Low, swear to tell the whole lie and nothing but bullshit...

I feel like kicking my own groin, i feel growing some tits...

Why do i seek pleasure in causing people pain...

Call me a saddist, I think i'm insane

I think i'm mentally unstable, or maybe i'm just bored

Feel like running then tripping then falling face first onto the floor

Actually deep inside me... i have the makings of a nice guy

So stick your hand up my ass and see what you can find

People say i'm strange , some say i'm different

Have they looked in the mirror recently...man..they must have had ugly parents

Yada yada..i've got nothing in my mind at this time...

So i'll go yada yada again , hey! it actually rhymes...

Some please staple my scrotum to the chair...

You know what i like more...Pink Underwear

You're sitting there wasting your time...

I'm amazed you bother reading my poem...awww...you fucking two-headed swine

blah blah blah..i've ran out of things to type again

blah blah blah..blah blah blah..something that rhymes with again

That's a nice wall over on my left

I wonder if i poked myself in the eye..will i go deaf?

Ok... today is the day i'll set things straight...

I'm like this cos i was abused as a child almost everyday

They would hang me upside down and tie bricks to my balls

They made clean the floor with my tongue and eat the paint off the walls

They stuffed a fork up my anus and made sit down on a wooden chair

They would pull out my finger nails and burn off my hair

Ok... i'm just playing ...my imagination ran wild again

blah blah blah..blah blah blah..something that rhymes with again

I'll end this poem with a quote that has no relation whatsoever with this nonsensical
bullshit

If a man hasn't found anything he would die for...He's not fit to live...

Peace!-Ian Francis Low

Talk bout wierd dreams...

2005-02-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

OK...this afternoon i feel asleep watching tv in camp... everything in the dream was as foggy as usual...i was riding off to god knows where... when i moved off ...i accidentally dropped my glasses on the one way street..but the funny part was i wasn't able to pull over to pick it up..but instead...the bike just kept accelerating...so i found a junction and made a U-turn..i then got lost...happens alot in reality too... i was searching for the way back...going through shopping malls and then eventually east coast park... but i just couldn't seem to find the one way street where i dropped my glasses... i even went up flights of stairs on my chopper... it all ended when i crashed straight in the back of a car cos my front brakes didn't work...my bike was smashed..the cars booth was badly dented but i was ok... the only thing the driver said to me is " OH...YOU MUST PAY YOU MUST PAY!!" why do i keep dreaming of motorcycle crashes...geez

I'll let you in...

2005-02-06T11:58:00.000+08:00

THE DARKEST DAY..

The day i found out my parents were separating would be the darkest day of my life... it was wierd cos apart from the things i couldn't comprehend , the hurt and fear.. there was embarrassment... embarrassment cos in school ... most of my peers probably were not going through what i was going through... so i had no one i could really talk to or share my dilemma with... i doubt they would have understood... and the teachers weren't the most inviting people to talk to at that time... and so i kept it inside cos at that age you never wanted to be different... being different meant that you had to put up with countless stares by prejudice eyes and whispering behind your back...and at that age... everyone was fucking straight forward... it was more of an ego thing... and the fear of rejection made it even worst... its not like now where i can go fuck it and just ignore those narrrow minded idiots... it was really a hard time for me... but each day somehow made me stronger... but all this emotions never showed in my everyday life... i simply just kept it all bottled inside...

THE BROKEN HOME...

As time passed... i somewhat gave up hope...hope that one day Mum and Dad would put they're differences behind them and try to rekindle the love they once had... but there's was still a part of me that wishes that they would get back together... and we could be a family again... picking up the pieces wasn't easy... the whole family fell apart... i would see Dad once in a while and it was just really hard...Kim and I were staying with my mum and michelle was at my granny's...it was more or less once or twice a week that the three of us were together at the same place.... The three of us and Dad moved in to the apartment in Tampines... You would think that time apart would bring us closer... but hell no... I'm not saying that things were horrible... but lets just say that the word " COMPROMISE" wasn't in our vocabulary... so there was alot of tension and alot of sibling rivalry and living conditions in the Tampines apartment was terrible... it was a big house but the floors were all dirty... the was hardly anything to eat... i remember once opening the fridge to see only bottles of water... thank god for instant noodles... Dad stayed over sometimes but spent most of the nights at his girlfriend's place...and pick us up in the morning and send us to school but Dad did his best to provide... it was then when i became more independent... we would see Mum occasionally ... I got posted to a secondary school near my Mum's place ... not long after that i moved in with Mum... By then the divorce didn't seem much of an issue anymore... everyone was carrying on with their lives... Staying with Mum was nice... Sometimes i think Mum has an obsession with marketing... She overbuys sometimes...but i'm not complaining... the downside of it all is that Mum and her boyfriend quarrelled alot...So there was a couple of sleepless nights with plenty of screaming... Michelle moved back to my Gran's to concentrate on her studies... Kim eventually came to stay with Mum and I ... And that's when all hell broke loose... It was utter violence almost everyday... I was the authority-seeking elder brother and she was the irritating lil' sister... Lost count on how many remote controls we broke fighting over the tv... We seriously fought alot... we had our diffences but never thought of compromising...i don't know why..stubborn assholes..

THE REASON WHY...

It was never till later in my mid teens when i realise the reason for the divorce , the seperation... the whole damn thing... When Mum and I stayed together... some nights she would come back very pist... i'm not sure whether it's cos of the alcohol or what but i could tell that Mum was one really stressed out lady... i knew that Mum was really stressed out with work but it was the grudge that she held against me Dad that was really obvious when she flared up... Apparently , my Dad wasn't the most responsible father or husband... He had affairs and he got himself heavily in debt in credit card bills... Mum paid for everything... even when we were born... she paid for the hospital bill... And at one point in time Dad changed cars really often...and my Mum had to help him with the down payments everytime he switches his ride...according to her ... she's like supporting 4 children... My dad , like me , is a really outgoing person... I guess fun got in the way of being a good husband ... Dad was a good father...and he still is... he spent alot of time with us when we were little ... Mum did the disciplinary part...that's why it always seemed that we enjoyed Dad's company more than Mum's ... But it has always been Mum who was funding for most of the expenditures... She has always been the one who has been working so hard just to give the three of us a good life...She did all this almost single-handedly and she did all this with little or no appreciation... And Mum gave most of her life up to work... just for us...the "kiddoes" ... When people say, " I have the greatest mum in the world!!"... they're lying... Cos that's my line...

Then...NOW...

Michelle recently finished her studies... Kim is still finding the meaning in life..and I'm finishing my time in the army and my tattooing thingy is working out pretty well... Mum got a 50% share in the pub and we got a new addition to the family... MILK...our puppy... i guess everything turned out for the better...Mum seems happier... MILK plays the biggest part in that... sometimes i think she loves the dog more than us... hahaha ...just kidding-Ian Francis Low

I really feel like shitting

2005-02-03T13:04:00.000+08:00

OK...this is no joke... i seriously have a bad stomachache...been farting since this morning but i just felt like keeping the shit in for a little longer... and my shit is at the end of the line... the doors are opening any time now and my shit is gonna see the outside world... it's like giving birth but i don't think babies smell that bad... any way .. be there for the baby...i mean crap shower... hahaha... ok.. i just farted... can smell a little bit of garlic from the LOR MEE i had.. damn... this is torture... i'm like pretty good with the muscles in my rectum.. got really good control... damn... its like at the edge then i squeeze it back in...I'm talented... wonder what it'll look like... watery or hard... i putting my money on watery cos of the beer last night... beer prevents constipation i tell you...i seriously need to go but i'll hold it in for a little bit more .... pain for pleasure... okok... the next one doesn't feel like fart... LATER...

Guess who's back... Back Again

2005-01-25T13:52:00.000+08:00

I'm back in one piece.. luckily... anyway during the stay at Aceh ... i kept a mini journal...this is what it reads...

Day ONE-pretty much nothing to do accept a little counting of stores...experienced my first earthquake... ok ... its just an aftershock... a minor one for bout a second or so... was told that there's an average of two tremors a day here... on the brighter side... the team here is a friendly and very high spirited bunch considering the living conditions...but i was really lucky that i didn't have to spend the night in a tent at base camp at the air base... instead i'm based with the medical team in a military training facility... I landed in Indonesia at noon i MEDAN then it was another hour flight to BANDA ACEH.. Greeted by loads of choppers and air crafts from different countries... was pretty lucky cos today they had fresh rations and at night they had a mini thank you celebration between the Singapore medical team and the TNI soldiers.... it's not confirmed yet but most probably i'll be here for ten days... gotta get use to the stretcher that i made my bed and the orchestra of snores...

Day TWO-Nothing much again today... some communication breakdown landed me back at base camp for the whole afternoon doing nothing... had a gift from the RUSSIAN army today... VODKA O' PRECIOUS VODKA...and today .. encik Maran is rumoured to be delayed at MEDAN... think he should be here tomorrow... Everyone here's so fascinated with my tattoos..It's a muslim community here.. and i think i'm probably the devil to them... Cigarettes are gone... resorting to Rollies and it's only the second day..

Day THREE-Expecting a really hectic day ahead... well ... it was quite tiring but not as bad as i expected... just shifting of stores cuz' team 1 is leaving tomorrow and the new team is in... and Encik Maran is here... but he's leaving tomorrow with team 1 ... and i'm staying... i don't know whether to be happy or sad but anyway... its not that bad around here... here's the thing... i dunno whether this new team is jinxed or what but sinced they arrived...two vehicles got stuck in the mud... and what's more... their vehicle broke down on the way to the Paya lebar airport and further more they were stuck in MEDAY for 4 hours... i got all dirty trying to assist the vehicla out of the mud and i have to change... soaking my clothes now... the flying antshere are terrible.. damn irritating... but i don't really care... i'm too fucking tired

Day FOUR- *was too damn tired to type anything*

Day FIVE-Firstly let's thank Encik maran for sms-ing me to tell me which beer he's at now... damn it... OK... today the new team of doctors shifted in... so a little hectic and the running of the clinic was a little shakey... but i'm sure everything will get better... as usual... i was left with pretty much nothing to do as FAUZAN did the translatingfor the patients... i'm like the coolie...i really miss everyone back home...Everything is wonderful so far.. the new team are also a bunch of really nice people... and the RSM is also damn nice... It's been a long time since i've had a can of beer in my hand...sigh*** and oh yeah.. the skies here are damn fucking nice... and the highlands too... amazing... loving everymoment here but missing home more...

Day SIX- Today's also a very hectic day... very stressed up... but anyhow... got compliments so a little boost of morale...ok today i ate an extra share of dinnerand so did FAUZAN... and shit.. we had visitors and not enough food... i felt so bad... saw two really nice rainbows in the evening... damn beautiful

Day SEVEN-it started out the same today... pretty much becoming routine already... but i helped a little with registration today...

Day EIGHT-Got some news that we're probably heading back to singapore in three days time...today's a very memorable day cuz' of this... I was chilling out with the local kids... really cute little boys..the language barrier didn't seem much of an issue... was showing them soe magic tricks ... we conversedwith help from FAUZAN... then the little kid asked for an orange in a really shy way... so wegave each of them one... there's two of them by the way...and later after finishing his orange ... he asked whether he could take a few more... but it was not out of greed... it was for his brother... so cute.. and he's like 8 or 9 only...and there's this otherkid with a birth defect called a split lip...and it made me think... imagine if the boy was in singapore... imagine the countless stares he'd be getting... and he'd probably be the kid no one one's to play with... but not in ACEH... its not how you look or how you dressed... its who you are... ORANG ACEH... and i think they've accepted the singapore team as part of them.. the waves and smiles on their faces tells it all... this place is so slow moving... no hectic feel at all... i'm beginning to love this place

Day NINE-Send most of the stores to the air base today... Today we took a little trip to the coastal area that was badly hit by the tsunami..The photos i took was a sad reminder of how strong nature can get... the stronger buildings were wrecked and the weaker ones left in rubble... and the strong aroma of death lingers as the countless houseflies irritates everyone... i'll never forget the sight... or the stench for that matter... and to think what horror this people must have gone through...and those who live to tell the tale are left with scars mentally and physically... i have to hand it to the refugees... i dunno how they can seem so cheerful still... its really sad to see so much suffering...

Day TEN- you don't know a soldier till you meet a TNI soldier... the stuff we've seen and been through can't even come close to them... the training is one thing but the actual warfare they go through with the GAM... and the stuff they tell us bout their experiences... its hard to believe these guys are in their mid twenties.. and the contracts they sign with the army is for life... and some of them stay away from their family for up to a year... and LOW wages... RESPECT... on a lighter note... the echoes of " GOODBYE MISTER!" from the kids in aceh really brings a smile to my face... went out for coffe just now at some local coffee shop... i was nice... and its our second last day here... One of the TNI guys gave me his jacket in exchange for my uniform and a jackknife... this jacket is special cuz not only does it have all his badges of achievement.. but he lost this same jacket in the tsunami and later found it back... at least i get a bring back a piece of ACEH not just images in my mind...

FINAL DAY... Came down the bus to a warm welcome by everyone.. Chief of defence force and all the big shots... Dad and michelle were there too... finally... HOME SWEET HOME.. but somehow part of me wishes i never left ACEH... haiz...

The fucking fickle minded people in the SAF

2005-01-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

Now there's a change of plans again... Aceh... here i come... the scary thing is that there's alot of unrest there... fucking gunfire and shit... hope i come back alive... if i don't ... let's not go there... take care people

DUE TO SOME CHAOS IN ACEH... SINGAPORE IS PULLING OUT IT'S TROOPS...

2005-01-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

2005

2005-01-10T14:29:00.000+08:00

A start of a new year... damn didn't get a bloody chance to celebrate it... the stupid ian francis low decided to down too many beers in the afternoon on new years eve and fucking slept through to the new year... fucking stupid... same thing for christmas...got drunk also... shit...but what the hell ... can't turn back time can i ... lesson learnt...damn... i feel like a beer now... dammit... its becoming an addiction... AHHH!!!!

jackass inspired stunts in camp are really fun... fucking dangerous..but fucking fun... and we got alot of people into it... its the only fun we've got in this hellhold ... if only i can post the videos.. i'll try... maybe MTV will offer us jobs... *Dreaming ...AGAIN!!!*

i don't know what to do with this life... i'm having fun and all but i just feel like there's alot of wasted time in my life... its either mahjong , getting wasted , tattooing or jamming on my guitar...i'm fucking sure that... "THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS!!!" Anyway.. i'm heading to aceh for the relieve effort thingy... gonna do a good deed for once...souveniers anyone??.. a decomposed corpse or two??? I feel like a beer... shit... there i go again... ah!!! somebody help... so little money... so much beer...
so now i sign off... hope i don't catch any fatal disease when i'm at indonesia... take care all

Merry Christmas

2004-12-27T08:43:00.000+08:00

What's so merry bout hangovers man... but christmas day was pretty fun. thinking of having a new years party at my place simply just food andof course drinks with friends and family... sweet... beautiful day today... but the thought of coming back to camp screws everything up like fuck... pretty shitty... i think i really need to relieve stress... hand this man a tiger... i think i better go slow on the alcohol.... i just realise that most of my festive periods are spent downing alcohol... and there's not much that i can remember of these wonderful times....everythings like a blur... watched kung fu hustle yesterday...fucking funny...my new year resolution's to quit drinking and smoking..(yeah right!) you might as well cut off my balls... my new year's resolution's the same as every year... stay alive... Anyways..hahaha... i would like to thank and apologise to those people who i've caused any inconvenience to... you know who you are.. cos i can't remember much... as usual... but really.. thank you... it's damn boring in camp.. gonna watch the incredibles today... celine's got it on VCD... yeah... And oh yeah.. everyone say hi to my two new additions to my stinky bed... I FINALLY GOT NEW PILLOWS!!! but i'm not gonna throw away the old one's ... i still need the stench to sleep... so i hid them under my big cushion ... hahaha... big fluffy cotton pillows ROCK!!!! ... Did a pretty cool tattoo on christmas ... I posted it in the album already... go check it out k... ok up to the 5th level to collect the dirty bedsheets now... SIANZ... -_- ..... what to do... hiaz

Alright then

2004-12-20T08:46:00.000+08:00

One hell of a weekend...ten gu was a bomb for the like fifteen minutes ..hahaha... oh yeah... poor rick didn't enjoy herself at rouge and i feel so bad... sorry dude ... i hope you enjoyed the ride on my bike though...yeah... for me.. rouge was " jam Power-Da-Ma" not a big fan of drum and bass or breaks... but woah.. joshua pulled it off... damn well if i should say so myself... crowd pleaser!!! "BUFFALO SOLDIER...."

Saturday... BATAM!!! made it there in one piece with a slight hangover... had horribly expensive bee hoon..( day-light robbery ) and wakeboarding was damn cool... got most of my tricks back but still the air rally still not there... getting closer though...

Sunday ... damn worn out.. no energy left in my incredibly sexy body
... dead tired..aching all over from all the crashes... can't move my neck man... anyways SHREK was damn funny... does anyone have shrek 2 on vcd... pls pls pls lend me... think i really gonna start cutting down on clubbing... make celine's b'day be the last time i blow all my money on alcohol... oh yeah... dunno if you'll ever read this but anyways.. happy 20 th b'day JUSTIN CHOUG YU WENG CHRISTOPHER...

Monday... back in camp... BORING... going to collect the dirty bedsheets now... SIANZ -_-... welcome to my life...

Chomp Chomp...

2004-12-14T09:01:00.000+08:00

My god... sting ray , si ham , chicken wings , hokkien mee , two big jugs of sugar cane drink and a bottle of beer when i got home to top it all off...heavenly...*slurp*anyways... my asshole was burning this morning after the dump... spicy shit... but it was all worth it... hahaha... its another boring day in camp... same shit different day... think i'm turning alcoholic.... or am i already one... got damn high...erm...ok... pist drunk... on friday... drank from 10 in the morning at ubin and when i reached back to mainland singapore... it was more drinks at my mum's pub... then i went home to take a nap... i got a call ... then it was down to Ten Gu with rick and ser... sakae , beer , Hor fun... CONCUSS!!! poor celine had to carry my pist drunk ass home... she the sweetest la... anyways its tuesday... that means the day before ladies night.. that means two days before hangover thursday ... that means MAJOR HOLE IN MY WALLET... but then again.. i'm not complaining... Hahahahaha

SHHHHHIIIIIITTTT!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-09T13:14:00.000+08:00

My bloody tattoo machine cocked up... damn it... gotta go home and try to fix the bloody thing... but sting ray at newton was the bomb... the si ham was fantastic ... clubbing and getting pist drunk has been postponed to Friday... hahahaha... I feel incomplete without a bad hangover a week..chill

Wednesday...

2004-12-08T09:42:00.000+08:00

My back is aching... i have a weak stomach... BUT I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! Its wednesday... and wednesday means the day before hangover-thursday...woo hoo... gonna push the limit... the most just fall sick only what..hahahaha ... PARTY PARTY PARTY... anyway ZOUKOUT=major letdown...boring..waste of money ... lucky i didn't have to pay a cent... sad sad for those who did ... tomorrow i swear i'm gonna shit blood and i won't be able to stand up right ... but what the hell...

Weight

2004-12-01T14:34:00.000+08:00

These four walls block out the sound
I wanna contact the dead but even they are ignoring me
Beyond this door i'll never go
Looking over my shoulder constantly
Being alone in this room is my only option
Cos i know my legs will carry me nowhere
Even if i try, I know i won't go far
How long will i put up with the countless eyes that stare
I put my hand out the window to feel the rain
The sky is an expression of my soul
i can't take it , Its just too much pain
The weather like my heart , so dark... so cold
My neck is breaking , cos of the weight on my shoulders
My knees are giving way , i'm gonna fall
As i grow older , i get colder
Don't see the point to live at all
I hide my face in my hands and the tears begin to flow
How long can i hide the facts
Its like i'm dying so painfully ... so slow
This is a perfect example of how words attack
My heart is beating but i don't feel it
I breathe the air but i still feel like i'm suffocating
My ears are hearing things that i don't wanna hear
Right now... suicide is what i'm contemplating
I'm breaking down and i can't get a grip
There are only two words in my mind... " WHATEVER FOR?"
Guess its time i left this room
Out the window ... not the door

WOo HOo

2004-11-30T08:28:00.000+08:00

My birthdays tomorrow... am actually more excited than i thought i'd be... was like panickie bout turning 20 and not being a teen anymore but i mean like ...what the hell.. can't do anything bout it right... tonight when the clock strikes twelve..i'll turn into a pumpkin...hahaah.. not quite... i'll be kissing my teenage years away...

Wakeboarding yesterday was damn fun... the weather was being a bloody bitch... blistering cold...hahhaa ..not exactly that cold ...but it was goose pimple-ing , nipple erecting kindda cold... but overall a rather productive day i should say... got my blind 180 back and picked up the courage to throw air rallies again ...but still cannot land..sad sad... but anyhow i had a hell lot of fun... but the down side... i hurt my back and i'm aching like all over balls... OUCH!!!

The start of the stock taking is this week.. everyone's like head over heels in work.. same goes for me.. it's like seldom i see my boss soo hardworking... hahahha... alright thats all for me... come celebrate my b'day with me at black k... whoever you are ok... laterz

HELP!!

2004-11-24T08:33:00.000+08:00

could someone help me with the tag board thingy... wanna shift it to the side of my blog... HELP!!!! haahahhaha... anyways i've shifted it to the bottom instead of the top ... tag me... hahaha

Why...

2004-11-23T14:55:00.000+08:00

Now the tears roll down , hear sound of my heart beating
I look around to see if life still has any meaning
No.. there isn't... there's nothing i would die for
Fragments of my broken heart lying on this dusty concrete floor
If i could turn back time , i wish i didn't get to know ya
When you gave me your number , i wish i didn't call ya
When you hugged me , i wish i pushed you away
When you kissed me , i should have turned away
Its stupid how i still feel so much for you , what for?
I gave you my heart , but you showed me the door.
You showed me how to hate , you showed me how painful love can be
What the fuck do you take me for ? Why did you have to fucking lie to me ?

It hurts so bad like a thousand knives in the chest
You gave me shit when i gave you the best
If i had a gun now , it'll be pointed straight at your head
Yeah it's true.. I wish you were dead
NO... wait... i'll make you swallow a grenade and your head'll explode
I'll slit your throat with a blunt knife...nice and slow
I'll tie your sorry ass up when you're asleep
And set your house on fire with you still in it
Or i could punch you in the mouth till all your teeth falls out
And shove all your teeth back down your throat so you can't shout
And you'll choke and i'll stand by and watch your face turn blue
Then i'll kick you in the face and spit on you
Then i'll cut you up and throw you in a pot
Boil you and feed you to the dogs
In other words ... i wish you could feel all this pain that i'm going through
But in the end , i know deep down , I know i'm too good for you

A girl like you ain't worth my time ,
My money , the gifts ... i'm taking back what's mine
The "i love you"s seem to be of no meaning to you
You're so full of yourself , so full of shit too
Ask me if you're fat now... this time i won't have to lie
If you sat on a horse , you'd engulf it with your behind
And it suffocates cos its head is stuck so far up your ass
The only to get it out is to give out some gas
Insults aside , here's three words from my heart" I HATE YOU "
FUCK you.. fuck everything that has got to do with you
You don't know what it's like to be hurt and brushed aside
Left there with no one , and all the tears i've cried
This phase will pass and when it does
I'll be much stronger ,i'll learn to love again , i'll learn to trust

It's almost here

2004-11-22T08:16:00.000+08:00

Just another lazy monday in the office... anyway... 9 days more till my birthday... think i'll be going down to chinablack for drinks... damn cheap la , can't help it... anyone wanna join me... drinks on me... anyways i must try to get as much money as i can this week... i hope me mummy gonna give me more this year... guess its gonna be the same shit this year... drink drink dance dance drunk drunk faint faint hangover hangover... prepared to get thursday leave already.. please call me and let me know if you have any better ideas... feel like playing mahjong again... fucking hell.. been having mahjong marathons for the past few days... now got major insomnia... sad sad... thats bout it la... can't wait to get drunk... donations for the H.I.G.H ( Help Ian Get High ) Fund will be greatfully appreciated... lines are open now

2004-11-19T17:59:00.000+08:00

Hahahaha... this is when i have a little too much too drink and i can't find a pair or boxers...

And Then...NO AND THEN!!...And Then... NO AND THEN!!!

2004-11-17T09:05:00.001+08:00

So...a bloody wasted weekend i've had..not "wasted" as in time wasted but pist drunk "wasted"... thanks to the free flow at Mad monks...now i'm becoming slightly allergic to Bourbon Coke... OK ... I'm broke now due to the constant drinking from tuesday till friday... Any RICH WOMEN out there looking for a companion...hahahah... and i have to wait till the next pay day ,which is like next month, before i can have any sort of fun... i'm screwed...I'm bored... think I'm gonna try to quit smoking...I mean i've tried like 40 over times so i guess there's no harm trying...AGAIN okok... people ... Ian Francis Low is free every weekday after 6.. so if you want your tattoo done.. just gimme a call k... and please provide me in advance with the design or an idea of the design you want so we don't have to waste time preparing for the tattoo... and to my new wife... i miss you too darling..hee hee...thats all for now...i'm damn tired ..had to stay in camp yesterday for duty... fucking hell... signing off...
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Yo Mama's so fat,that everytime she turns around...It's her birthday...
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The R@D|C@L MiSfit Strikes Again

2004-11-09T07:57:00.000+08:00

Ok..fairly boring week... start of a more promising one though...honestly...i think for my next birthday ( which is in 23 days..but who's counting ) i'd like a walking stick...I'm getting too old for my age... I wanna be immature and i wanna get in trouble..all these seem to disappear with age and that's very very very ...and did i mention VERY..sad...
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****Yo Mama's so ugly... Her birth certificate was an apology letter from the Condom factory****
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To go ahead with it or not...that's the question that's kindda messing up my already confused mind... anyways ... i think i'm beginning to like wakeboarding again... yeah..must go Batam one of these days... My birthday is coming..the big 20 man..no more teenager...sad*wipes his tears*... I don't wanna grow up!!!...i really don't!!! But it's not that bad.. now older women will seem more appealing...MILF!! MILF!!
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****Yo Mama's so fat... people jog around her for exercise****
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I'm broke... as usual... still waiting for the bloody government to transfer my miserable salary over... been surviving on peanuts for the past few days man... but its approaching... should be today...but even though the dough is transfered over..not too happy occasion for me either...pay day means its pay bills day... don't think i wanna ride any more... its a fucking financial burden..really can't afford it balls...on top of that cigarettes and alcohol... handphone bills...SEE!!! Old already..only old people pay bills!!! AH!!!!!hahahaha....anyways on a lighter note... going to try to rekindle my relationship with clubbing today or tomorrow,haven't decided yet... if it doesn't work out... i'm jumping out of the NEW ASIA BAR window...i think i really need a tan... anyone want to follow me to the beach one of these days... i'm beginnig to look like tofu already...more like tao kua... some one past this poor mother fucker a drink...NOW!!!... whiskey coke please...
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****Yo Mama's so ugly... when she looks in the mirror... her reflection shakes its head...****
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*Will somebody...anybody...show me the way to the fountain of youth....

Oh My Fucking GOD!!!!

2004-11-05T08:16:00.000+08:00

I'm getting old... i'm past my prime ...its my mid teen crisis... my teen years are about to end in a months time... ah!!! went clubbing ( Zouk ) the other day... found no fun...no thrills ... no...just something was missing... stayed there for bout an hour and left.. went to this sakae bar instead for a few drinks and chilled out the rest of the night there... I seriously think it's a sign of maturity... Its scary to think like in no time i'd probably be sitting at home with a beer belly , beer cans all over the floor , unshaved, smelly fucking couch potatoe watching tv all day ... i only wanna do that when i'm 30!!

On the way back something inside me made me make a right turn from the exit from the CTE instead of the usual straight road down avenue 1.. then Kim told me later that there was a ROAD BLOCK down that stretch...PHEW... and i've learnt another lesson on drunk driving... if you drink ...follow your gut feeling... hahahha... signing off now..i'll go try to revive the spark in me and hope i'll have the feel for clubbing again by wednesday...

Would You....

2004-11-02T16:33:00.000+08:00

If i were to fall , would you catch me?
If i were to die right now , would you miss me?
If i were to call your name , would you ignore?
If i were to swear to you , would you swear you love me more?
If i were to cry right now , would you wipe my tears?
If i was too afraid , would you ease my fears?
If i were to say i love you , would you turn and walk away?
If i were to go down on my knees and beg , would you stay?
If i were to fall asleep , would i wake up next to you?
If i were to give my heart , would you give yours too?
If i were to hold your hand , would you be reluctant to?
If i were to smell your hair , would that be okay with you?
If i were to hug you tight , would you push me away?
If i were to kiss you now , would it be okay?
If i were to give you my all , would you give your best?
If i ask you to marry me.... would you say yes?

Image

2004-11-02T11:46:00.000+08:00

Start the engine and go on without me
Don't turn around , It'll be too hard for me
Smile for me and cry your last tear
Forget me now and let a new chapter appear
A chapter in your life without me by your side
I won't blame you for my sleepless nights
Go on and hate me if it helps in any way
Let the fading image in your side mirror be the last you'll see of me

Trick or Treat...

2004-11-01T08:45:00.000+08:00

OK... i didn't celebrate halloween after all ... had no costume and besides that i was in no mood for crowds... i spent the whole weekend drinking..and believe it or not..its monday and i still have a slight hangover... drank too much.. way too much... fucking hell..MAN UTD lost..again... a downfall of an empire... okok...PAU..i'm sorry for making fun of you... promise next time...i'll do it behind your back..hahaha...some people just so over sensitive... a start of a new week...its monday...AH!!!!!!!!! hate mondays...

Stained

2004-10-29T09:08:00.000+08:00

the stains that are on my window
the moonlight lights up the sky
the night is warm and humid
but i feel cold inside
shattered, smashed and broken
three words that describe my heart
the bad words have been spoken
we're back here at the start
all the screaming, pointless
all the hurt that's caused
no time for excuses
look at what we both lost
nothing can heal this wounds
not even the hands of time
you’re just a fading image
in this confused mind
we both might feel misjudged
so misunderstood
what happened to forever
what happened to me and you
no one is at fault
no one is to blame
there is no point fighting now
the outcome's the same
but now when i look at you
all i feel is hate
all the times you lied to me
was much more than i could take
if all good things must come to an end
I wish what we had was bad
but there’s no point crying now
there’s no point being sad
but I’ll never forget the way you laughed
or the way you kissed
waking up next to you
will be one thing that I’ll miss
i might learn to trust you again
i might try to forget
the memory of us together
the good times and the bad
though i hurts so much
how reluctant i may be
i guess this is goodbye
the end of you and me
is it just a gamble
well, the coin has been tossed
if it's just a gamble
well, this time we both lost- IAN FRANCIS LOW

Suicidal

2004-10-29T08:45:00.001+08:00

Give me a gun so that i can blow my fucking head off;
i've had enough, will the whole world please just fuck off;
leave me alone , i've heard enough talk;
come any closer and my blood will be on the sidewalk;
stop looking at me, what?!you've never seen a guy up so high;
fuck you all! fuck off !just let me die;
i can't stand this world , i can't stand this life;
hmmmm ... imagine the wonders i could do with a knife;
Hey! i told you not to come any closer;
wait! can i have that gun in your holster;
what i'm gonna do will be more good than harm;
i don't care if i'm only 21;
the years that i've wasted soul searching;
can't compare to the pain that i'm feeling;
i might be crazy , i'm not mentally sound;
stop trying,SHUT UP! nothing you can do could make me come down;
the wind in my face,this feels so right;
look at the moon, what a lovely night;
a lovely night to see my guts all over the floor;
same time tomorrow i'll be in a morgue;

Mary..

2004-10-29T08:45:00.000+08:00

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now Mary brings the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread

Without you...

2004-10-29T07:58:00.001+08:00

The glow from the moonlight
Lock myself up in my room
I'll cry myself to sleep tonight
"Us" was gone too soon...

Your picture's still on my wall
I kept the notes you wrote
I'm waiting for you call
With one last glimpse of hope...

Should have known right from the start
Then to give away my heart
So easily to you

But i just can't comprehend
I really do not understand
Why you do the things you do

But i guess i'll be strong
I guess i'll move on...
Without you...

Though the sun is up outside
It's still raining in my room
But my tears have all dried
I'll learn to get over you...

Ripped your pictures of the wall
I burned the notes you wrote
You never loved me at all
It's time for me to let go...

Even after all those times
You reassured me you'd always be mine
I guess those words were a bunch of lies...

Why did you have to swear you love me then
Just to cause me so much pain in the end
Even after how hard i've tried...

But i'm better off alone
I'm better on my own...
Without you...

I don't mean to be rude in any way
But how could you fucking do this to me
You took me for a fool
But still i,
Don't know why,
i trusted you...
i still love you...

Ok... it's just a song i wrote if you were wondering...

Nursery Rhyme

2004-10-28T10:51:00.003+08:00

Hickory Dickory Dock
The mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one...
AND THE OTHERS ESCAPED WITH MINOR INJURIES

Help me with this...

2004-10-28T10:51:00.002+08:00

Which part of the nursery rhyme did they say that humpty dumpty was an egg... and why most nursery rhymes end tragically ... jack broke his crown... the three blind mice... humpty dumpty...etc.. and why does donald duck tie a towel round his waist when he comes out of the shower when he doesn't even wears pants in the first place...hmmmm ...

Help me with this...

2004-10-28T10:51:00.001+08:00

Where do onions come from... like where are the seeds and shit stored... cos when it sprouts... you get spring onions not onions... hmmmm

The Weather Sucks...

2004-10-28T10:51:00.000+08:00

Fucking hell...the stupid weather is making me damn sick... sick to the point i don't even feel like drinking or smoking...that's some fucked up shit... my nose is killing me... dripping like a tap... anyways haven't really decided what to go as... drag queen?? stripper?? i dunno... i'll figure something out... PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE...WHERE'S THE LOVE IN THIS WORLD...PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE...WHERE'S THE LOVE IN THIS WORLD...YOU'RE ALL MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS ..WITH ONE HEART... SO WON'T SOME GIRL PLEASE COME AND SUCK MY COCK...

I don't mean anything by this mummy...you know i love you...

2004-10-27T08:29:00.002+08:00

MY CONFESSION:
dear father; i didn't mean to kill my mother;
didn't mean to cause her death and blame it on my baby brother;
i didn't mean to tie that rope;
so tightly round her throat;
should have listen to her when she was screaming,"LET GO! LET GO! LET GO!;
i didn't mean to step on her fingers and pull at her hair;
she was being unreasonable, she was being unfair;
if she had just let me go to the party last week;
she wouldn't have had that black eye and bruised cheek;
i didn't mean to use the pliers to pull out her teeth;
she wouldn't shut up,kept asking,"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?";
So i replied, "YOU WANNA KNOW HOW? BITCH!THIS IS HOW!";
that's when i stuck my fingers in and rip both her eyeballs out;
she was screaming and crawling on the bathroom floor;
so i pulled her tongue out and kicked her in the jaw;
she pretty much didn't say anything after that;
that's when i smashed the head in with a baseball bat;
it all started when i was thirteen;
she would come home drunk, and she wouldn't quit screaming;
she blamed me for how daddy just packed up and left;
how she's struggling to survive,how she's so heavily in debt;
she keeps complaining and saying that i'm a burden;
well,they shouldn't have used those cheapo condoms;
why the fuck did she bother to raise me as a child;
i'd rather be raised by a pack of wolves in the wild;
but now her problem has been solved,i sure hope she's happy;
i did it for her, " AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME MUMMY?"
Once,she cut my allowance cos she caught me with a joint in my mouth;
it's all her fault!! but just look at her now;
just look at how she's lying there, as quiet as can be;
father!you still there?;are you listening to me?;
maybe i'll chop her up into pieces,and feed her to the dogs;
or maybe i'll burn her to ashes,i can't leave her there to rot;
she told me she loved me,she said that she care;
but when i needed somebody,she was never there;
when i think of her,only hate fills my mind;
what happened was justice; to you its a crime;
so father please forgive me for what i've done;
and give me strength to dig this hole 6 feet underground

One Last Thing...

2004-10-27T08:29:00.001+08:00

Halloween is coming... and i not really sure what to go as... fuck i wanna go as a construction worker ..that means some bangladash will wake up tomorrow with his yellow helmet missing...fuck... where do you actually buy those helmets man...those yellow ones... sheesh... but you know what halloween is like...its cool at the start where you get laughs from people..and you joke bout your costume..then it just gets retarded in the middle of the night... like last year when i went as a convent chick... i felt stupid as soon as i hit the dancefloor... but i loved the breeze i can feel on my balls when i was walking around and dancing...you convent girls should feel damn priviledged... shit if given a choice...i'd make all soldiers put on those dress-like thingy... and i think its damn fun to "CHOW KHENG" ...love to expose...hahaha... maybe this year i'll go with some tight-ass shorts... make it so tight till my balls are squeezed out the sides... hahaha cool... eye candy baby... i wanna buy a thong... hahaha... i'll try to find a scanner and post the pictures of me in a tennis skirt and my younger sister's top and a tennis racquet...some kinky shit man...anyone know how those vibrating condoms work??? i wanna try ...sounds interesting...like where do the batteries go and shit...orite..that's all for today.. must get back to work...

Pau..Just For you... you're welcome

2004-10-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh i wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess i lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think i was nice
Now you tell all your friends that i'm the antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks in my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, i'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, i even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime i get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that i'm ugly and you say that i'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while i was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

On this day.....

2004-10-23T19:33:00.000+08:00

A sore back... a tired mind ... and the weather's been a bitch the whole day... but still damn happy that finally after 4 years...finally got the tattoos on my back shaded ... and yeah Pau i really can't find the comment thing in your blog.. so complicated... aiyo... it's another month or so till my birthday... dunno what should i do to celebrate...i'm sick of getting drunk every birthday... I'm bored out of my mind ... boredom engulfs this poor boy... ahhh.... somebody help me!!!!

2004-10-23T18:53:00.000+08:00

Just did the shading for the tattoos on my back yesterday... this is just the shading.. will be getting the colour done soon...my back's damn sore man... can't even take off my shirt on my own...oh yeah.. like to thank Klinton of Hybrid Tattoos...

today....part 1

2004-10-22T16:35:00.000+08:00

gonna get my back tattooed today... will post the pictures for viewing... hahahahah... i'm suppose to be damn tired but somehow my eyes can't seem to close... think its from the two bottles of green tea i drank... it has caffine in it i think ... that's all for now... to be continued...

Cock man

2004-10-16T21:04:00.000+08:00

The Bio mech below... damn proud of this one... sheesh... on santry the whole of next week not forgetting last friday when i did like a 11pm to 7 am shift then continued working from 8am to 5 pm then heading down to jemme's place to jam... holy shit... i'm not really good at maths but fucking shit.. that's a hell lot of hours... damn shagged... the jam session was like two hours... and we only managed to do the reason by Hoobastank... more like Hooba-Stink!! but actually ok la... not so bad for the first time... and oh yeah... PAU.... thanks for your comments... but then... it seems like your the only one thats giving me comments...seems like you're one really bored girl huh.... but i appreciate you insulting me anyhow...hahahhaha.... i got headaches on and off... think i'm dying.. if i do... please bury my samick and my peavey guitar and my tattoo machine with me... hahahaha ... tonight i'm gonna get wasted... i'll try... with my limited cash flow....